Glorious wonder of that which is not ours to hold
Yet, with awe and memory
They imprint our deepest spirit channels,
Nurturing our insignificance with regal witnessing
Of belonging to the greater powers that be.
Hold it’s euphoric impact close,
Fuel creativity & comfort
To reflect its voice of
Majestic embrace of our
Humbled and suffering
Earth-bound existence .

Stage 8: REBUILDING

Relief and hope define this stage. Through problem solving, resolution and integration, the future can now be contemplated. The hardest and deepest seeds of trauma were discovered in the previous stages. The dynamics discovered need to be given attention, validation and respect to heal and move forward. Listen to all sides of the enigmas found, give them a voice and dialog then create images that bring resolve. This period is ripe for exploration of your hopes and dreams of who, what, when, where and how you want to be.

Allow yourself to create visions of what you wish you and your life is to become. Problem solve and explore a map of your future through imagery. Collage with magazine pictures, find new art materials to play with and see what comes of this muddy place you have been in and try to see, invent/reinvent who you want to be. The uglies require acknowledgement of the blessings they bring to what has made you who you are, stand up for yourself and embrace your brokenness, only then healing will occur. Your truth has been found, respect, nurture and protect it.

One of my broken pieces, was that I abandoned the part of me (Nancy) who died in the accident. There was so much anger from both Nancy and Eli. Nancy was angry because I (Eli) deserted her and ran away (flight response from PTSD). Eli was angry at Nancy for only knowing a peaceful grounded existence. I worked with pencil to create forgiveness and love for the two parts in order to resolve this seed of conflict that continually derailed me from healing. The other artwork examines my life at that time.

 
Stage 9: IDENTITY

As the paralysis of PTSD and related trauma begin to thaw, new feelings and thoughts of identity emerge. What used to work no longer fits, which can be unsettling, yet freeing and feels like an identity crisis. Focus on artwork that defines the old, changing, and new self and how they overlap and interact. Examine all aspects of the past, present, and future identity and bind them in imagery, which then helps view how they interact, block, and co-exist.

Then, create art that develops the identity that most resembles how you see your healed self. Place identity artwork in locations where you often see them and contemplate the next step toward defining the true you with all your cracks, beauty and courage to become whole. Identity development is definitely a work in progress, but also very exciting and hopeful. It is not easy becoming an integrated and unique expression of what you have been through, this is something to be very proud of.

The first image is the combination of Nancy/Eli and how they fit together and operated previously. The second image is contemplating the reflection of both selves and their elements of being.

Stage10:  CONNECTING


Once the identity has been developed and defined, the work turns toward how to fit back into the world. The new sense of feeling more whole and integrated within encourages interaction. A new born confidence and courage allows stepping outside of the womb of internal healing to find a place in the environment outside.

Create art that makes a map to help define obstacles, boundaries, and existing dynamics that need attention in order to accomplish a successful reintegration of the public self. Like a child, we need to protect, guide and nurture that interface with the world and build for success. Find people, places and things that support this fragile entry of your healing self.

Sharing the artwork you created with others in similar mindset is very empowering and builds a sense of belonging. An art therapy group, lectures/presentations on PTSD, online group chats are a few ideas. It wasn’t until my book came out that I was on social media, and I have been happy to connect with so many others who understand the PTSD struggle.

The first image represents emergence into life’s flow with hopes of jubilation and thanks. The second image is putting together all the pieces of me in the world.

PTSD will always require management. Triggers abound and learning to turn to art and other things that help you ground, express, and get present need to become as available as the air you breathe.
We are all works in progress and realizing that removes the pressure of high expectations which inevitably can cause us to fail. I am always interested in people’s journeys, so please feel free to connect.

Long Journey/ Batik on muslin
For many years,batik was my calling. I first learned this art form when living in Mexico before my fated bus wreck. I stopped doing it for many years as I struggled with surgeries, PTSD and healing. Late in my healing journey with my art therapist, batik started calling me again. I believe some part of me knew I needed to revisit that prior time to heal, but didn't know it at the time and just felt creative surges to do batik. It was a prolific and creative period of batik making, with deep undercurrents of emotions.

Batik is a process where you dye material, paint with beeswax, re dye, re wax until the piece is complete. Then wax is removed and a very organic work appears. For me, I think this process was part of peeling back my layers within and witnessing the birth of my evolving healing self and reflected my long journey of trauma and PTSD.

Do you do anything that helps be a conduit for that voice within?
Art Heals!!!!

Morning walks are the foundation of my PTSD whole self care routine. Those who know me have seen me in snow, rain, sun and wind brace the elements for this tradition.
Early morning is my favorite time to witness the pristine awakening of nature and spend spiritual time with myself to set the course of the day. Sometimes I have problems to work out, meditate on and release to the powers that be. Other times my creative self gets nurtured and inspired by nature. Enjoying time watching my pooch and exploring completes my day before it even starts. My father started me on this tradition as a child and I carry it forward no matter what because it roots me in peace and health.

After my accident when I was 19, my body was altered and it’s taken a lifetime learning how to best manage it. Digestion, pain and PTSD are all helped with my morning walks. The circulation gets my gut moving, movement gets the stiffness out and fresh air washes the cobwebs of strife away.
I always grab my cup o tea, slices of apple and head out with the pooch, rain or shine because it has been proven to me to be the essential benefit in managing PTSD and it’s symptoms.

I wish more medical professionals would write this prescription for their patients and start the morning walk as a required daily dose! It has kept my health issues in check and increased my joy factor!

What traditions keep you grounded?

           Sea Hag , collaged plaster mask
 
Masks are fascinating to me, I’ve made many…and worn many! As A trauma survivor I see the safety and detriment of them.
Masks protect and provide a way ‘to face’ the world. They can create a different identity and with that, a voice of hidden wisdom's and truths. Masks can help us know parts of us too frightened and vulnerable to exhibit in our lives.
Masks can also keep us disconnected in illusion. They make us believe we are something we aren’t, hide truths necessary for growth & peace and pretend everything is fine when it most certainly is not.
As I used art to work on healing my PTSD, mask making became my obsession. I found with each I did, when I wore it and did an internal dialog as the mask’s character…so much hidden was revealed of many feelings and observations I stored deep within. As I listened to this ‘new face’ and heard their story or concerns, I was able to see other perspectives of my own conundrum within. Listening helped determine the next step to heal and be less dissociated.
My Sea Hag mask speaks of aging gracefully, endurance, wear and tear, natural beauty and treasures.
What masks are your allies or foes??? It’s worth a look at for future peace and validation.
Art Heals!
 

June is PTSD Awareness Month
Welcome back for art healing!
It’s so wonderful to feel the start of movement in our lives again from our COVID quarantine.  I find myself in a mix of relief, anxiousness and a fear of complacency. These are the days where art is very helpful in processing these conflicting emotions. Keep your creativity tools close at hand and weave them into your daily habits and routines to help maintain balance.

My previous two newsletters (now posted in my blog) covered the 1st – 5th stages of healing. The 6th and 7th stages, Redressing Trauma and Reconciling Trauma will be presented next. It is presumed you are familiar with the previous stages and concepts posted in my blog in order to build for success in your healing.
REDRESSING TRAUMA:
This stage will require frequent ‘safety’ art making, patience and taking one step at a time. The unraveling at this point can go very slow and then suddenly have surprise breakthroughs, so have your safety net established, i.e. art making, meditation, pets, nature and support systems, AND USE THEM!!!
 I would recommend a therapist (art therapist if possible) for complex and severe trauma events. Surround yourself with trusted and supportive environments and people.
Anxiety will increase as layers of healing expose the symbolism and glimpses of internal unrest. Close management and oversight to maintain balance and function is essential. Art processing work may become more difficult and result in PTSD symptoms of numbness, fogginess and resistance. Your deepest self will only unravel as far as it trusts, and requires feeling safe and strong enough to see what is there. It is very important to honor your rhythm and healing because the self knows how much it can do before it need to withdraw , recuperate and process the experience.  Assimilation from deep within is happening, so trusting your intuition and gut is essential. Even if it doesn’t feel like progress is made, on a deep subconscious level it is. Sleep is very important when doing this work because the psyche heals in that deep reparative space without having to be directed by the awake brain to make meaning of it, thus allowing the emotive piece to evolve as needed.
I used to get very spacey and nauseous at this point in my work and learned to respect this and stop. A big breakthrough usually followed and resulted in healing the layer of trauma being explored.  In my case, I finally found the part of me I had abandoned at the time of my trauma. Along with the intensity of discovering this lost component, comes much relief and emotion….give it a voice through colors, symbols and image.

RECONCILING TRAUMA
The point has arrived to recognize, validate and respect what has happened and been buried so long. Once the core of trauma is identified, its related feelings, beliefs and alterations need to be heard. Use texture, image and colors to create the voice and needs of the survivor and their losses. This stage will feel more like a coming together than a falling apart. Talk to the lost self and ask it what it feels, ask the survivor what it feels, then go to your art materials and create what you’ve learned.  I was surprised to find anger of abandonment by the lost self and feelings of resentment by the survivor self. This stage is an acceptance of what has occurred and discovery of what has been endured.  Looking directly at yourself in the mental/emotional mirror and seeing the truth of the trauma and results is essential. The pain endured requires much compassion and forgiveness. Art helps make your pain beautiful in order to view it differently and in a new light.

Most importantly, be good to yourself, you have been through a lot and it’s time to embrace that truth.  Be compassionate to your hurt, don’t let others judge your behavior and stand up for your brokenness, protect and love it…like you would for a hurt child.
Make your pain beautiful!

This is PTSD awareness month and I advocate for the use of the arts in mental health care.
I am an accident survivor and I can literally say, art saved my life. For 10 years I struggled with depression, self destruction, disassociation, running away, and suicidal behavior. I tried everything but it wasn’t until I found art as my therapy that I began to heal.
Using our creative self helps us connect deep within to the voice often neglected because it cannot be expressed in traditional manners.
Look at my painting, can words or theories express what the colors, images and textures portray?
I immediately shifted towards a healthier path once I was able to be heard through creative actions and art making.
Gift yourself peace through art.
Make your pain beautiful with art!!! Art Heals!!!

Spring Greetings! As nature unfurls its fronds so do we! I have been very encouraged by the growth and process of all my friends I’ve met through Frida and Me. I feel so blessed to see how my healing has inspired the courage for others to start. I have found kindness and caring is the thread that binds us in this journey.
 PTSD has grown exponentially since the COVID began and only now are we seeing its impact in ourselves, family and communities. I also see more support for the seeking of help through the arts for mental illness and I have hope this will only increase as the demand grows.
My last newsletter covered the first two Stages of Healing, Exploration and Safety (found at www.eliweintraubmaurx.com). This one will cover the next three stages of Expression, Clarification and Identifying. Don’t forget to read my blog from the first post forward to get the foundation for starting the art work.
Stage 3/Expression:  The first stage of Exploration artwork is often simplistic and cautious in design. As the process continues colors, texture and patterns become bolder and dynamic as something feels like it’s trying to come into view.  As layers of expression peel away with each artwork a subtle and gradual shift becomes noticeable. Something deep within is trying to communicate with colors becoming deeper, forms/patterns suggestive and intensity increasing. Moodiness and approach/avoid behavior may also increase, so commit to regular Safety artwork (See last newsletter or website) to provide courage and balance for the journey. Sudden breakthrough themes and images start appearing at this stage. (Note last image bottom right).

Stage 4/Clarification: Once images start to appear from the chaos of expression, clarification begins. Symbols, objects and topics start to become apparent, sometimes subtle sometimes not. Notice reoccurring themes, shapes/colors and regularly view your art all together. These viewings provide a more objective eye to notice repetitions, patterns and similarities among the artwork, which can provide information to hear the voice within and what it wants to say. Layer by layer, clarification of issues and feelings are clues to the subconscious experience and provide validation to that which has been buried. This can be a process where the subject starts to see things they may not really want to see but need to.  If fearful artwork appears, follow it with a safety process artwork and monitor good self-care behavior.

Stage 5/Identifying: Once the artwork develops recognizable symbols and themes, the subject can begin to name related feelings, experiences, places, people and events. This is the internal understanding trying to find context in the external world. A puzzle-like unraveling of this layer requires patience and courage because it may take time to figure out the emotional coded images and develop the bravery to embrace them.  Others may be able to see your experience better, which can help to feel more understood, decrease isolation and increase a sense of belonging (as long as those viewing are non-judgmental and supportive). Once symbols and themes are identified, they can become the beginning of new artworks that continue the visual conversation within. Again, create safety images when fearful and do regular viewings of the artworks to identify patterns and cycles of processing.

This work is not easy, but better than living with PTSD. Doing the work challenges the warrior within to walk through the fire and not live in avoidance which creates a numbing of life. If your process is too overwhelming I encourage working with a therapist (one familiar with the art process).  I found it fascinating to see what would pop out of my art process even through all the tears and anxiety. The art process rescued the survivor buried within. Be good to yourselves and listen with your visual voice!

Anyone struggling with PTSD can benefit using art to heal trauma. (Please share with anyone you know touched by this).
The healing and repair from art making is an accessible process for all ages, cultures, genders and health conditions to express and manage deep unspeakable feelings related to PTSD and trauma.
Art expression through color, image and texture give voice to that held deep within and hold the initial impressions of trauma events. Our mind attempts to make sense of them (now a secondary experience) and can block core feelings from only having verbal acknowledgment, which often doesn’t reach the root problems.

Art materials help the internal experience communicate with the senses. They portray the ‘truths’ and result in validation which leads to better self esteem. Others can see your picture that says a 1000 words, creating a sense of belonging and lessen feelings of isolation that accompany PTSD symptoms.
Deep art healing begins with a safe and accurate portrayal between self & trauma event. Making the pain beautiful develops a relationship with self that encourages self respect, acceptance and healing.
Heal with your visual voice !!!!
Art Heals!!!!

Darkness of the heart
Churns deep
Threatening a serene
Passage to peace.
Reflections of internal war
Surface in tears and anger
Collapsing and drowning
Innocence.
Remember the blackness turns to light at the seam of
Released emotions.
Look for rays that reach out a passage to let go
And embrace the beautiful intensity where life and death
Dance together in the storm.

Intangible feelings often cause chaos within as they swirl around and create confusion. The spoken word can capture and express them but so can our visual voice through art.

Viewing and creating art accesses invisible impressions and sentiments no words capture.

We tend to avoid and ignore darkness, sadness, confusion and pain. Words often make us feel more vulnerable and misunderstood whereas art's image and process speaks more honestly and true of our journey. When we can see our true experience through art a space of safety emerges. This provides a place to see ourselves in different ways to provide new approaches and opportunities to process and grow from. A centered and grounded relationship with self allows us to make better decisions congruent to our purpose.

Doodle, visit a museum, view art, cut out magazine images, play with art material and the the unspoken voice within!
Art Heals!  Speak Art!

Happy New Year!!!!!!
May this upcoming year be full of peace, love and health…and of course art, which will facilitate the others!
Last year’s incredible challenges will require much repair. Some experienced PTSD for the first time and others fell victim to trauma symptoms of old. Stress unleashes the beast of PTSD and underscores its constant presence and difficulty to manage.
I hope everyone has read my blog on my website from the first post forward as it is intended to introduce newcomers to the concepts and steps when preparing to do art for healing trauma. If not, I would request you do that so the content going forward is best utilized.
My website introduces 10 stages of art healing I experienced over the course of 5 years of art therapy and this is what I will focus on in the upcoming newsletters.

REMEMBER, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AN ARTIST TO HEAL WITH ART!

This is a judgement free space!!! No art is too ugly or awful, it needs to be heard and validated, only then will it start to change and be released.

The art healing stages are: Exploration, Safety, Expression, Clarification, Identifying, Redressing Trauma, Reconciling Trauma, Rebuilding, Identity, and Connecting.

Exploration:  Make sure you are in a safe environment, music helps and limit conversation. Start with your intuition and listen to the deepest voice within. Instinctively choose colors and textures that allow your inner child to play and communicate. This discovery artwork is often scribbles, stick drawings, child-like impressions, general, messy, and vague with poignant moments appearing.  

If you see a therapist, show and communicate your art with them. Make sure the sharing is not judgmental but as a supportive witness to the work. There is no right or wrong, if another’s interpretation doesn’t ‘feel’ right, it more than likely isn’t. This is the work….to hear your OWN voice/impressions and learn self-compassion. 

Safety:  Creating safety is possibly the most important part of the healing process. Exploration of feelings initiates a flow of internal information that can feel threatening and lead to fight or flight behavior. The idea is to establish an internal protected place to go to when the psyche feels vulnerable and frightened. Images, colors and concepts that remind you of better times when you felt whole and happy can ground and shield you from the war within.

 If you can’t find that part of yourself, make up what you wish you could have to feel safe and then invent art to represent that.  An artwork that stirs up negative emotions can be reworked to feel safe. For example in the image below, I cut the frightening art in half and inserted a shield that contained positive protective images, which resulted in feeling empowered as opposed to intimidated.

Do you ever feel so disconnected you don’t even know what you think and feel?
Trauma and PTSD can do that. A protective blanket envelopes the deepest voice within and becomes impossible to hear. Feelings and impressions originating from the initial trauma dive deep unable to be reckoned with.
Feelings born from trauma can be released safely through the senses. The unspeakable can find a voice without words, which are secondary impressions trying to make meaning out of chaos. The senses are where those impressions are rooted.
The 5 senses: sight, touch, smell, hearing and taste provide the avenue to express and release emotions that can create destructive behavior.
Creative acts access a connection from the interior to exterior world and build a foundation, resulting in being more present and able to connect . With that accomplished, a sense of belonging grows and an ability to remain present in self...thus hearing the voice within more clearly.
Commit to weaving art, music, writing, cooking, exercise, and other creative acts into your day... you owe that to yourself.

Seeking Ground/clay sculpture '09 (art making to combat triggers)

Living with PTSD is a circus of reactivity to triggers which are memories of trauma and resulting behaviors of depression, anxiety, anger, fear, confusion, dissociation, addiction, isolation, suicidal thoughts etc and often derail 'normal' functioning in life.

Grounding with the senses can assist the individual in managing the triggers of past trauma by centering them in the safety of the present.

Arts and creativity allow us to access our base instinct and express our feeeling, the connector to the present. The use of the senses through touch, hearing, smell, sight and taste are tools for the PTSD survivor/support system to balance mental health issues.

Once the feelings have a mechanism to be expressed safely, ( i.e. art making, music, dance, cooking) they can be released from destructive behavior This allows the survivor to be heard, respected and validated providing connection and a sense of belonging. This results in being more present with a sense of safety from the trauma memories and ability to continue healthy functioning.

Scattered and confused defines the PTSD/trauma experience making simple everyday thoughts and decisions misguided and frustrating with bad choices resulting.

Finding a way to communicate with this lost self within for increased clarity is a challenge that can be reached through the art process. The art process goes directly to the emotions and impressions frozen under the world of the mind trying to make meaning through thought vs feeling where the initial trauma is stored.

Providing the language of image, textures, patterns and color will reveal the soul underneath and that recognition and validation builds the foundation to heal.

You do not have to be an artist to heal with art. Scribbles and ugly expressions are the first step toward finding, defining and recreating the true self in all it's broken glory.
Try, just try!!!

Art Making with an intuitive approach reaches the depths of our being and gives voice to impressions rooted in our core that facilitate healing.
Layer of life can bury that instinct resulting in action taken from judgement, confusion and misguided motivations that repeat in a vicious cycle.

Healing happens when one feels heard and seen, which intuitive art making encourages. Check out my July newsletter for more about intuitive art. (Sign up on first page at bottom)

I have set the stage in my previous newsletters and blogs to educate about trauma's relationship to the senses, the concept of healing, the environment and preparation to create and now where to find the place within to start your process. I call this place 'intuitive art expression'.

Follow your intuition and trust your gut. Intuition is defined as the ability to understand something immediately without the need for conscious reasoning; quick and ready insight; something known without the need for reasoning. There is no room for a critic here only compassionate trust of self.

Intuitively listen to that deep place within where no one can go but you and reflect. Sense the colors, textures, environment, subjects, symbols and actions of this deepest self. Listen to and feel the intuitive information that emerges. Step by step your process will be revealed, but please be clear, the riches are not about the product you end up with, it's the journey getting there.

What materials/actions call to you? Do you crave hard, soft, bright, dark, textures, patterns, blue, black yellow, flowing , malleable, glue  or cutting? Sense, it, then go to your materials and let your intuition guide you. Allow experimentation without judgement. If it doesn't feel right, try something else. If you start with watercolors and it feels uncontrolled, try clay, colored pencils or cutting paper.

I 'm reminded of a story of a little boy from a broken home doing art. Water coloring made him fearful, clay didn't interest him and finally he found a bottle of glue. He obsessively proceeded to glue pieces of paper together for much of the remainder of the art class which gave him great joy and peace. He was having terrible attachment issues from his broken home and was able to manage them through the act of 'attaching'!

Once materials are found, create without critique. My initial drawings were scribbles and lots of them. Sometimes they were barely visible lines/textures and other times objects/symbols. Incorporate the making of safe art in between triggering work and seek support if needed. My  website contains 'Stages of Healing' which describes steps of the art process I experienced and may be helpful to refer to. Date and keep all art for later viewing when patterns and themes emerge. Now, play and express your intuitive art and watch as the images reveal your story

The many facets of colors live perfectly side by side amidst the chaotic textures and rumbling of the great waters we are all birthed from.

So many layers in this painting I did. Reflects the intricate relationships which makes us whole and part of the bigger picture.

In these trying times try to use your senses to ground....paint, draw. write, drill, saw, sand, cook, read, play music, sing....all will help endure the times we are in and grow strong our resolve.

Peace amidst the chaos!

'Whether it's art, writing , song, movement or making, allow creativity to inspire  will give voice to that. Our feelings live deep within and utilizing our senses will give voice to that. Yell with color, cry with poetry, ground in making to help validate and release those pent up feelings and take you to the next step of healing. my ancestors rising.

This artwork was created when I was trying to find acceptance of my inability to have children from a trauma. The purple souls of my ancestors rise up and release the leaves and angel babies to the heavens. Meanwhile, I contemplate this with  my empty bag of tricks. Behind me I am protected by a cheetah from the raging fires behind. On the opposite side is the blur I lived in...blocked by my ancestors rising.