Trauma Healing, Where to Start

12/31/2019

I lost many years in struggle, overwhelm and hopelessness just figuring out where to start my healing. The tangled web of PTSD wraps around a person’s existence and strangles the ability to know what the first step is. Once that can be defined, sticking to the following steps, with forever forgiveness and flow, can lead toward a path of healing.

#1 The Hope and Want

I call it struggle exhaustion, when nothing fits and every action is neutralized and transformed into unhealthy life choices. Somewhere within a person MUST find the hope and want to believe there is a better path. It can be just a grain in existence, but needs to be there. One way to grow this is to commit to one daily act of healthy peace. Maybe it’s that nap you never let yourself have, listening to your favorite songs, a walk in nature, time with your pet, reading a book, doing or viewing art, whatever brings you relief and peace from the struggle. Create a daily habit of this self-care and commit to it as strongly as you can. The idea is to start creating a habit of this….practice, practice!

#2 Give Yourself A Tablespoon

The PTSD experience can be brutally cyclical, so the survivor and support systems need to find ways to interrupt that cycle. It’s unrealistic to think a person can stop the train of unhealthy worries and needs immediately. One must learn how to transition the habitual negative replay to break the repetitive track they are on.
This is where the tablespoon comes in. The tablespoon represents the validation of the trauma survivor’s daily struggle and experience of what they have gone through. This experience, no matter how negative it may be, represents their reality and must be given honor and attention…..BUT only a tablespoon of it! After that, it’s time to let the glass half full get attention and the honor it deserves.
When my mother was dying she was in the struggle of accepting the inevitability of her death. All day, every day, she was worried and stressed to the point of making her health worse and fearful. I knew we needed to honor her feelings but also find a way to find peace within. I told her we would start ‘dosing’ a tablespoon of worries and fears, but then follow the prescription with fueling the good memories and relationships still with her. It worked really well because she felt heard and validated, but the vicious cycle was interrupted and redirected. Initially she got a tablespoon an hour but we were able to decrease it to 3 times a day.

#3 To Try or Not
The direction of my path changed radically upon this one concept. I had been lost for years and on the verge of giving up. Medications, relationships and choices weren’t working when I met an internist to discuss my hormone rollercoaster after my hysterectomy at 20 years old. He informed me that no medication would change my experience and I had 2 options: to try or not.
Suddenly, the cloud and overwhelm of not knowing what to do, the tangles of PTSD, and bad choices shifted. Having only 2 choices cleared the field and gave me a simple starting point and I just had to remember ‘to try or not’. That became my mantra and choices became more manageable so actions didn’t get frozen in overwhelm.

#4 One Step at a Time
PTSD makes life a ‘gunkie mess’ and it is predictable the path to healing is stunted by overthinking and what ifs. Staying present is how the next step is revealed. Future thinking can sabotage a trauma survivor as many understand how fragile life is and in any moment can end. Focus on ONLY one step at a time. Once the 1st step is taken, it will naturally present the next step. No one can know until the results of the 1st step what the 2nd, 3rd and 4th steps will be. Slow down thoughts and be present.

#5 Build Safety
Trauma healing is not easy so everything you can do to create safety is the only way the deep rooted fearful experiences will show their face to be healed. This safety must start in the deepest recesses of the psyche, then extend to a protected physical space and ultimately have like-minded and understanding support systems. When out in the triggering world, theses safeties must be accessible in a moment’s notice.
I started with a daily meditation/prayer to create a safe place within. Everything in this space is created to nurture safety and peace. My space is rooted in the mountains and thrives with animal protectors and oceans to swim in. Nothing is allowed in my safe place unless I have invited them in. I am heard, honored, understood and protected here NO MATTER WHAT. Fun, problem solving, recuperation, connection and love are in abundance here and I will protect it like a mama bear with her cubs!
Once you have a mind’s eye picture of your safe place, it can be strengthened by defining it in the real world through pictures and objects that help remind you of this place. Put them in a file you look at daily or collage them on a poster and have it readily viewed in your home space.
Seek out support systems in the PTSD/trauma mental health community whether it is in person or a social media group.
Until you have safety firmly rooted in your world, healing will be elusive and generally nonexistent.

                                                  These steps just might be the shift you are missing.
                                                                The choice is yours….to try or not!